She used to sing
on Glen Hansard and the art that's still asking to be made
"Make art. Make art."
Glen Hansard said those words in 2008 while accepting the award for his breathtakingly beautiful song, "Falling Slowly." He died today. And I've been crying on and off ever since I found out.
I knew Glen Hansard from Once, which made me an instant fan. I devoured his music. His voice, his words, and his arrangements gave me chills and brought tears to my eyes every single time I listened. Whether it was a raw live recording or a pristine studio version, it didn't matter. I was in awe and inspired by every emotion he poured into every note and syllable. Glen Hansard stirred something in me.
His music and the film Once were a big reason I quit my job in 2012, sold nearly all my belongings, left a whole life in Ohio behind, and moved to Costa Rica to make music, perform for a living, and live a slower life filled with art.
If you know me well, you know that my Costa Rica journey went sideways prematurely. So I came back to the U.S. and vowed to never follow the rules of the rat race again. But it's hard to live the "pura vida" life and be on "tico time" when you live in a capitalist society with rent payments and student debt to pay off. So, I eventually heeded the corporate call again. And somewhere in all of that, I lost my will and even my passion for making music. Eventually, I lost my voice altogether.
This evening, I've been going down rabbit holes of his old performances on social media. I cried seeing him so full of life. I'm still tearing up, tbh. And I'm feeling that same chill down my spine I felt when I first heard him play.
For a while now I've been feeling the pull to make music again. Not for anyone else or to make a career out of it this time. But to do it for the love of it without a big, lofty end goal. But I just...haven't.
We always seem to think we have all the time in the world, don't we? And then, poof. We're gone. Glen was 56. So young still. Too young.
I did the math tonight, and it's been six years since I last wrote a single song. And nearly a decade of not singing anything original in public. And five years with a piano gathering dust in the corner, with its companion ukulele bought some time ago and not once picked up.
But I’m done. It’s time to say goodbye to the "if onlys," the "I shoulds," and the "am I even ready to's." Instead of telling people, "Yeah, I used to sing," it's time to rewrite my story. I used to sing? No. I STILL sing.
Because right now, this exact moment, it's the only one we're actually promised. So why am I spending mine doom-scrolling and half-watching mind-numbing reality TV I won't even care about tomorrow? If I'm going to escape into something, why not let it be my art?
While you're here... do the thing. Do the thing that lights you up, or the one that's been nagging at you for months. Maybe even years. You don't have to finish it, you just have to start it. I imagine you'll feel relief. And maybe even a release. Because right now, in Glen's words, we've still got time.
Case in point: I wasn't even going to publish this to my new blog yet, because the site still isn't "ready." But are we ever really ready?
That's all I've got.
Well, that, and make the damn art, my friend. Make the damn art.
-Natalie
